


where the lost things go

by ceremonialss



Category: Wanna One (Band)
Genre: 1930s, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Family, M/M, Sad Memories, bookworm jinyoung, jihoon misses daniel sorely, jihoon's just trying to get by, mary poppins inspired, mentions of Kang Daniel, precious daehwi, toy-lover woojin, woojin jinyoung and daehwi are lil kiddos
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-31
Updated: 2019-05-31
Packaged: 2020-04-05 06:16:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,506
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19042834
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ceremonialss/pseuds/ceremonialss
Summary: Jihoon hasn't been coping well with a loss, but he knows he has to keep his family together.inspired by the song "Where The Lost Things Go" from Mary Poppins Returns.





	where the lost things go

“It was you, you broke it!”

“No, it was your fault!”

A faint, barely-audible crash followed by the children’s petulant arguing resounded throughout the usually quiet home, where in his lonely study, Jihoon was having a cup of half-cold tea that was far too bitter for his taste. He never did know how to find the right balance of milk and sugar,  never knew how long to steep before casting the imported teabag into the trash. He always had someone to make him the warmest, sweetest cup that would make him feel all cosy as if a blanket was wrapped around him the instant he took the first sip. At least, he used to.

He puts down the book he was trying (emphasis on _trying_ ) to read, making sure to put a bookmark at the page where he left off, assuming he’ll still have the energy and time to resume reading it. The world outside had gone dark and quiet since he’d sat down in his chair, and he looks at the clock that sat neatly on one of the shelves, seeing that it was half past nine.

He shakes his head, silently scolding himself for forgetting to put the children to bed. It was an occurrence that was becoming less of a rarity these days, not that he was proud of it. With a sigh that sounded far too tired than Jihoon had intended, he hoists himself up, which proved to be a more taxing task than he had anticipated owing to him still being in his work attire, which consisted of a dress shirt with a vest over it, and a pair of trousers that were tighter than Jihoon preferred.

He stalks through the hallway with his eyes focused on the carpet. Ever since what had happened, every little thing, even the wallpapers and the dainty potted flowers in the windowsill reminded him of memories that made his heart ache helplessly. And helpless he was, because he couldn’t just tear everything down and replace them, and it’s not as if Jihoon wanted to relive the pain everyday with every gaze at every detail, but this house, no matter how run down and poorly kept, no matter the painful memories embedded in the old-fashioned wallpapers and brightly colored petals of the flowers that hung out beyond the window, was everything Jihoon had left of what he had lost.

And so, he keeps his gaze down on his shoes as he descends down the staircase with a hand on the wooden railings to steady himself. And upon reaching the landing he takes a deep breath, making sure not to look up at the large painting of their once complete family that hung up on the wall. He takes the few steps toward the living room, and pauses to prepare himself for the children, taking a look at himself in the mirror near the front door to make sure he didn’t look too tired. He eases a smile onto his face, reminding himself that his children is his happiness, and it was enough to wipe away most of his weariness.

He turns the corner, and just barely catches three little boys hastily trying to cover something up behind their backs. Jihoon leans on the doorway that led to the living room, and finds himself smiling fondly at their antics. Three innocent eyes stared up at him adorably. Aside from the three, the room looked completely normal. The fireplace crackled softly as a small fire burned away, casting a gentle, orange light on the unoccupied sofa and the cushions and pillows that rested on top of it. The bookshelf in the corner was meticulously organized as Jihoon kept it, and the small coffee table that stood beside a chair more well-kept than any other piece of furniture in the house seemed untouched, although he brushes off the feeling that something was missing from the table. Something was not quite right, however it was particularly hard to pinpoint it from where he stood.

“What were you three up to this time, hm?”

Jinyoung, who stood in the middle, tried with confidence, but failed nervously as he says “N-nothing!”

Beside him, Daehwi glances at Jinyoung with a confused expression before looking up at Jihoon.

“That’s not true, they broke th-“

A strained gasp cuts Daehwi off as Woojin elbows him harshly in the ribs. Woojin puts his right foot forward, exclaiming “Nothing happened! You can go back to your study, papa.”

Jihoon’s eyes narrow suspiciously, before a brief glint on the ground catches his eye. A shard of glass that wouldn’t have been visible had Woojin not stepped forward with his foot. Through the gap in his legs, Jihoon saw glass, and a portion of a wooden frame that was far too familiar for him not to recognize.

His eyes widened, mouth forming a small ‘o’ as he comes to a realization.

Woojin noticed first, and his eyes flashed down and up to Jihoon in panic. He moves out of the way just in time as Jihoon almost desperately dives down to the ground to see the broken picture frame. It wasn’t an expensive frame by any means. Its price was the least of Jihoon’s worries. It was the memories the frame held in its simple, wooden beams, in the image held between the glass and cardboard, an image Jihoon hadn’t dared to look at for far too long.

It was a picture of them in this very same living room, on the very same couch that sat in front of the same, homely fireplace. On the cushions sat happily three little boys, each with a unique glint in their bright little eyes, and a pure, childish joy in the smiles that took up their faces. On the far left was Jihoon, but it was someone Jihoon didn’t recognize, because the man in the picture had a smile brighter than the sun that made his eyes crinkle at the corners. He hadn’t smiled like that in so long that he forgot how it felt, forgot who he was.

His eyes drift to the far right, and his breath catches as his gaze focuses on the face he had so desperately pushed out of his mind for God knows how long. Daniel’s happy face stared back at him, and Jihoon finds his heart clenching at the sight, finds himself reliving memories so bittersweet and so spitefully painful that words couldn’t ever describe the feeling of longing he felt in this moment.

It was as if the second he saw Daniel again smiling with a smile happier than any Jihoon had ever seen and would ever have the pleasure of seeing, it was as if everything came rushing back. All the suppressed memories, all the suppressed emotions, it all came crashing down on him like a dam that had been broken through and now he’s drowning in all the things he knows he can never have back.

A pair of small, cold hands softly hold both of his cheeks, and the action startles Jihoon out of his daze.

“We’re so sorry, papa,” utters Daehwi.

It was when he tried to reply that he choked on his own breath and realized there was a waterfall of tears pouring forth from his eyes. He held the remnants of the frame and the image within close to him, hands enclosed around the item tightly like a child and his soft toy. His shoulders start shaking as he loses control over himself, and he just sits there, like he was the child and his children were the adults trying to comfort him.

It was so utterly stupid and so utterly painful.

Jinyoung and Woojin’s arms wrap around him from both sides, Daehwi coming up in front to throw his arms around Jihoon, hands clasping together at his back. Jihoon sobs, not because of the broken picture, but because he realizes how neglectful he has been.

For the past months, his children had needed someone to help them cope with the loss of one of their two dads, and that someone was supposed to be Jihoon. However, it turned out to be the children keeping Jihoon able, keeping him functional, keeping him _alive_ , rather than the other way around. It isn’t what Daniel would have wanted.

“No, my dearest,” whispers Jihoon into Daehwi’s hair. “It is I who must say sorry.”

“For what, papa?” Jinyoung innocently peers up at him.

“For everything,” Jihoon breathes, planting a soft kiss on Jinyoung’s forehead. “I’m so sorry for everything.”

He repeats those three words over and over again, planting kisses on his children’s heads and cheeks, picture frame forgotten on the ground as he peppers his three, precious boys with all the love Jihoon has failed to provide in the last few months.

 

-

 

Later that night, Jihoon makes sure to put each of them to bed in their own rooms.

In Woojin’s room, toys and figures were displayed proudly on every corner and surface. Above his bed, airplanes hung from the ceiling along with stars and planets that glowed pleasantly once the lights were turned off.

“Good night, my little prankster,” he whispers, and Woojin puts a hand on Jihoon’s face, stopping him before he could kiss his forehead for the nth time in a single night, complaining that it he had done it far too many times, even for Jihoon. 

Jihoon retreats with a laugh, deciding not to torment the eldest any more than he already has been. He watches as Woojin pulls the covers up to his neck and turns on his side, closing his eyes for a good night’s sleep.

Jihoon pulls on the string that was connected to the lamp on the nightstand, and with a soft click, the lights in the room were turned off, and as he looks up, he sees the planets and stars glow softly from where they dangled from the ceiling. Jihoon and Daniel had hung them up themselves, and Jihoon smiles fondly to himself as he recalls getting annoyed at Daniel for dropping and breaking one of the planes, resulting in to a crying Woojin. He also recalls how Daniel made up for it by fixing the toy with Woojin as Jihoon stood in the doorway watching them with an adoring look in his eyes as Daniel taught his eldest son a mixed lesson on how to fix broken things and ‘valuable’ metaphors for broken things, as he had so wisely put it.

Jihoon had a foot halfway out the doorway when Woojin quietly calls out.

“Papa?”

“Yes, Woojin?”

Jihoon turns to face his son, light streaming in from the hallway to reveal Woojin’s curious expression.

“We’ll be able to fix it right?” He asks, barely audible. Jihoon softens.

“Of course,” he assures him. “Picture frames are very easily fixed. We can do it together, if you’d like.”

“I meant our family, Papa,” Woojin replies, and Jihoon’s brows go up. It was a question he hadn’t anticipated. “Dada always said that it’s up to us if we’ll let something stay broken forever. He said that if we really, really, _really_ , want to fix something, then there will always be a way.”

“Oh,” says Jihoon dumbly. “Right, yes. Dada is correct. We’ll be able to fix us… I promise.”

 “Okay,” whispers Woojin, contented, eyes flitting close.

Jihoon closes the door behind him, exhaling shakily as he tries to keep his tears in. He had just about cried enough tears to fill up a dozen barrels, he refuses to cry one more time. He steels himself, and moves on to the next room, which was exactly parallel to Woojin’s room.

He crosses over to the other side of the hall and gently opens the door, careful not to make noise in case Jinyoung was already asleep. He sticks his head inside, and finds his middle child sitting on his bed reading a book Jihoon knows Daniel gave him for his birthday.

He remembers the joy on Jinyoung’s face at getting a new book to read. He was untouchable for the next few days, as he was completely immersed in the thick volume. He had quickly proclaimed it his favorite book by the time he was done. Jihoon wonders silently how many times Jinyoung reread the book in memory of his father. It made his heart ache, but he has to be strong, so, he keeps himself under control and knocks softly on the wood.

Jinyoung looks up at him from his bed and immediately puts down the book. Jihoon smiles warmly at him, and Jinyoung holds his arms out, asking to be carried. Book in hand, Jinyoung hoists himself up on Jihoon’s arm with an arm of his own hooked around his father’s neck.

Jihoon grunts, his son being far heavier than he last remembers him to be, but he still manages to walk them both over to the bookshelf that held an impressive collection of novels and literary works. Jinyoung daintily puts the book back in its place with as much care a six year old can possibly muster. When Jihoon walks them back to his bed, Jinyoung plants a kiss on his cheek before his father sets him down on his bed. He quietly gets under the covers, as Jihoon sits on the edge of his bed.

“How many times have you reread that book, hm?”

Jinyoung’s expression shifts into one of thoughtfulness for a few seconds before he answers. “Around thirty times, maybe.”

Jihoon’s mouth forms a small ‘o’. “You have that much free time, huh?”

His son shrugs. “I read when I feel lonely.”

Jihoon is taken aback for a moment, but he sighs, and maybe he his ‘ _huh’_ of realization sounded far more self-deprecating than he intended, but nonetheless, he doesn’t deny himself of the emotion this time. He allows himself to feel it, and when he does, he looks his son in the eye.

“We’ve all been pretty lonely these past few months, haven’t we, Jinyoung?”

Jinyoung nods wordlessly. Jihoon shifts closer.

“Well, I’ll make sure we won’t be lonely anymore. Lonely is off-limits from now on, okay? I’m here, I’m back. I’m… myself again, or at least I’m on the way there. Everything will be alright, Jinyoungie,” says Jihoon, lacing his words with as much sincerity as he can. He brings a hand up to ruffle his son’s hair. “I love you.”

“I love you too, papa,” says Jinyoung. “I’m sleepy.”

“Alright, you go ahead and get some sleep now then. Good night, my bookworm.” Jihoon says the last few words in a mere whisper. Before he could get up, however, Jinyoung stops him.

“Papa,” he inquires, tone asking if he could say something.

“What is it, Jinyoung?”

“Dada is proud of you. I know it,” says Jinyoung, and Jihoon doesn’t know if he knew how much those words meant to him, wonders what on earth drove him to say it but still thankful that he said it.

“Yes,” he says, breathless. “I’m sure he is,” he utters in finality.

He gets up, smiling at Jinyoung one last time before turning the lights off and exiting the room, closing the door behind him as gently as he can. Exhaustedly, he stalks to the far end of the hallway, where a door waited for him. It was already half-open, and Jihoon could hear his youngest’s voice coming through the small crack in the door.  Jihoon walks up to the doorway, not quite interrupting Daehwi’s moment. He feels bad listening in on him like this, but he couldn’t help it.

“You’re always with us right, Dada?”

Small rustles, like he was making a teddy bear nod its head.

“I knew it!” He exclaims brightly. He hums thoughtfully. “Papa cried today, I think it’s because he misses you very, very, _very_ much.”

Jihoon breath catches.

“But I’ll tell him that you’re always with us so that he wouldn’t be sad anymore! Papa’s going to be happy when I tell him right?”

Another set of rustles.

“You know, I wish you weren’t just a teddy bear. I wish you were back, and that you’re real. I want you here again. No one wakes me up with morning tickles anymore, Papa’s too tired to wake up earlier than I do.”

“Sometimes I see Papa crying in the bedroom alone when I wake up to get a glass of milk. It makes me sad to see him crying, what can I do?”

Silence for a few moments. Jihoon is _definitely_ crying now.

“You’re right! I’ll hug him lots and kiss him all over the face! He laughs a lot when I do that.”

Jihoon stops himself from sobbing, forcing himself to keep himself from crying _again_. He wipes the wetness off of his face and breathes slowly. He takes a deep breath before knocking on the door. He peeks in, finding Daehwi on the ground with a teddy bear nearly his size sitting in front of him. Jihoon distinctly recognizes the soft toy.

He and Daniel bought it themselves.

He remembers vividly, it was Christmas Eve and they still hadn’t gotten their youngest child a gift for Christmas. Daniel took him by the hand and ran through the streets in town from shop to shop, until Daniel stopped at one window, with his eyes sparkling like a child’s as he stares at the very same bear that Daehwi held in his hands right now.

Of course, Daehwi had _loved_ it. He even started calling it his best friend, and he dragged it with him everywhere, even when going to the park. Jihoon had very fond memories of Daehwi with that bear, and he’s very sure that Daniel did too.

Daehwi perks up at his arrival.

“Papa!” He runs towards him and leaps into a hug in full force, knocking Jihoon back despite his small size. Jihoon laughs, amused, taking Daehwi up into his arms.

“Who were you talking to, hm?”

“Dada,” says Daehwi simply, pointing at the bear on the ground. “He loves you very, very, very, very, _very_ much.”

Jihoon swallows.

“W-well,” he starts shakily. “Well I love him too, with far more very’s than anyone could ever say.”

Daehwi giggles.

Jihoon sets him down on the bed, whereupon Daehwi buries himself under the blankets. Jihoon takes his place beside him, feeling far too tired to get up and move to his own room, and so he lies down on his son’s bed with his son beside him. Maybe the bed was too small for a full-grown adult like Jihoon, and maybe his feet did dangle uncomfortably over the edge, but he has an arm around one of the people he loved most and it was more than enough.

But just before Jihoon could doze off completely, a soft pitter-pattering wakes him up, and he sees Jinyoung and Woojin at the door.

Jinyoung sighs fondly. “I thought I put you two to bed already.”

“We want to sleep with you and Daehwi,” says Woojin, Jinyoung agreeing with a quiet ‘ _yeah_ ’.

Jihoon beckons them over, and the two quickly shuffle onto the bed. After making themselves comfortable, Daehwi speaks up in a tone that wasn’t as bright as Jihoon was used to.

“Papa, where’s Dada now?”

Jihoon thinks for a few moments. “He’s… he’s in the place where the lost things go.”

Jinyoung sniffles. “He’s gone forever.”

“No, Dada’s not gone, not even forever. He’s still here.”

“He is?” Woojin perks up.

“He is,” Jihoon affirms. “He always will be here, he’s just disappeared is all. But he’s here, that’s for sure. Nothing’s gone forever. Just… out of place. And one day, we all will find Dada again.”

“I can’t wait for that day,” replies Daehwi softly, drifting off.

“Me neither,” whispers Jihoon.  

And that’s how they find themselves snuggled all up against each other on a bed that wasn’t made for four people, let alone one single adult, but somehow they managed, and half an hour later, Jihoon has Daehwi and his teddy bear using one of his arms as a pillow and Woojin and Jinyoung on the other. The boys noiselessly slept, apart from Daehwi who was talking in his sleep. Whatever it was, Jihoon couldn’t understand enough to make sense of it. But still, all of them looked peaceful and happy, and that was all he cared about.

 

-

 

An hour later, Jihoon had decided that his arms needed to breathe, and so, he extracted himself from the pile of children as gently as he could and quietly dragged himself to his own room to get changed. He slips on his pajamas and heads downstairs to grab a glass of water.

He passes by the living room, and his eyes are drawn to the picture frame and image that was temporarily placed on the coffee table once more.

Jihoon walks towards it, and upon reaching the piece of furniture he takes the image in hands and runs his thumb over Daniel’s face.

“I love you, Daniel. We’ll be okay.”

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first time writing a fic like this so im sorry if it sucks :(


End file.
